Blaze of Glory
by BleedingCoffee
Summary: After the battle with Lust, Roy is anxious to leave the hospital and find a way to fix Havoc. Riza has to care for her stubborn injured Colonel and they finally come to terms with the fact that they are much more than co-workers. RoyAi
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note**: For an anon request on Tumblr to have a hurt, stubborn Roy being tended to by Riza. After the fight with Lust, he's got more important things to do than stick around and heal up.

The title of this is definitely because of the Bon Jovi song and I find it fitting. I also picture Roy singing it in the shower and that makes me giggle. Chapter titles from the song, and chapters pretty much because of the title. This was supposed to be a one-shot. However...three chapters to this one.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own FMA or song lyrics.

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><p><em>Blaze of Glory<em>

Chapter 1

**A six gun lover; A candle in the wind**

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><p>Roy closed his eyes as he sat in a chair beside Havoc's bed in their hospital room. He was struggling, avoiding going back to his own bed, trying to convince himself that he had to quit being such a baby and deal with the pain. His side was still on fire as the aftermath of the burn seemed so much worse than the initial act. It was blistering, skin sloughing off, oozing and generally making it impossible to get comfortable or even move without aggravating the injured flesh. Still, he was determined get out of here soon to find a way to help Havoc regain the use of his legs. In order to do that he had to convince his doctor to sign the release forms and send him back home. However, he felt warm and could feel the thin layer of sweat on his clammy skin and was pretty sure he had a fever. That was going to make it more difficult to escape the hospital.<p>

Havoc sighed. "Hey Chief, you look like you're going to fall over. Why don't you just go back to bed? It's not like I'm going to get up and walk out of here if you're not watching me."

Roy opened his eyes and sat up straight. He winced as his bandage grabbed at some burned skin. "Not funny."

"Neither is the threat of that manly nurse coming back in here and offering to take your temperature rectally." Havoc snorted.

Roy groaned. Wasn't that the truth! Of all the nurses available the one assigned to them was a huge woman with man hands and rock hard breasts that bruised anything they touched. The one time he was in the hospital and could probably qualify for a sponge bath was the time he got the most unattractive woman on the staff, one that looked like Alex Armstrong in drag. "She makes sure to poke me with those mammary mountains of hers every chance she gets. I never knew I could be so turned off by breasts since I discovered Major Armstrong liked to rip his clothes off for no reason."

Havoc chuckled as the door opened and Hawkeye entered with coffee and cigarettes. His grin broadened. "You're an angel, Hawkeye!"

Riza tossed the box of cigarettes at him and pulled a lighter out of her pocket. "Now, you keep this away from the Colonel. I don't need to hear about him chasing that nurse out of here with fire because she molested him with her chest again."

Roy looked up at her as she handed him the coffee. "Lieutenant, she's sexually harassing me. I demand you stay by my side and perform your duty as my bodyguard and shoot that woman next time she tries to touch me."

"Are you feeling Ok, sir? I never expected you to ask me to keep a woman away from you." Riza asked mockingly and emphasized her point by putting her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. Her smile faded and was immediately replaced with a look of concern. "Sir, you're burning up."

"Yeah, yeah." He muttered and drank some of his contraband coffee. "I'm hot. I know. It's rough being this ridiculously sexy. It's about time you noticed."

Havoc shook his head and was about to light a cigarette when he noticed Riza turn and pick up a thermometer. "Make sure that's not Nurse Man Hand's rectal thermometer. Unless you kids are finally making something of that sexual tension..."

Riza shot him a glare as the comment made Mustang go tense and put on his stubborn ass scowl. She stood in front of him as he looked up at her defiantly and opted to just destroy his determination by saying something he could misinterpret, "Sir, I'm giving you the oral..."

Roy's eyebrows raised and his mouth opened to say the instant lewd comeback his mind sent past his mental filters, but she stuck the thermometer in his mouth as he stepped into her trap. He gave her a pouty frown.

"You have a fever." She said. "Something I can't tell you without evidence because you're a pain in the ass scientist who wants to debate everything. So, once I prove to you that you have a fever, you _are_ going to get back to bed. You are also going to stop trying to leave before you're healed and quit complaining about the nurse touching you!"

"Get him a hotter nurse." Havoc lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply. "Even if she's just a stripper."

She ignored him and looked at her watch then down at Roy who was eyeing the thermometer. She knew he was thinking about it's composition in case he would find himself in need of mercury or glass at some point to defend himself against the nurse and her unwanted affections. She was glad he was back to himself so quickly after the battle with Lust that almost took his life, but she could do without him being an obstinate idiot right now.

"Why aren't you taking _my_ temperature?" Havoc asked playfully and saw Roy's eyes light up with that jealous fire. Riza missed it entirely. These two were hopeless!

Riza glanced at her watch again as Roy played with the glass rod in his mouth as he typically played with a pen in the office. "Well the only thermometer left is that...'other' one. Want me to call in the nurse?"

Roy smirked as she took the thermometer out of his mouth. "Go ahead Havoc, I dare you. I bet she considers that first base."

Riza sighed and caught the reflection and saw the reading. Then she looked down at her supervisor who looked like a stubborn child about ready to throw a fit. "You need to get back to bed."

"You're not my doctor." Roy snapped at her. "I don't have time for precautions. I have work to do."

"Sir, your injuries..."

"Didn't stop me from walking down a damned dark corridor to finish off Lust, did they?" Roy grabbed the thermometer and threw it at the trash can. It fell to the floor and broke.

Havoc giggled. "Now you broke it. Our favorite nurse is going to be excited to take your reading. Close the curtain please, I don't want to see your discomfort when she does."

"Asshole."

"Yeah, just figured out what rectal means, huh?" Havoc fired back.

Riza turned and left, determined to go get a doctor to either drug him senseless or talk some sense into him. What the hell happened to the man who was lying on the ground in those tunnels clinging to life? What happened to the man who looked up at her with adoring eyes and asked her if she was hurt despite being cut, burned and on the verge of passing out? Who was he being strong for when both she and Havoc were begging him to just heal?

Roy snorted and tried to stand but felt a little dizzy. Maybe they were right, maybe he was pushing himself too much. He set his precious coffee down on the nightstand before attempting to stand up, last thing he wanted to do was spill the Nectar of the Gods on this dull linoleum floor. He just had to make it six feet to get back to bed before their nurse offered to help. She'd definitely touch him inappropriately while she pressed his defenseless body against her damned boobs. No...he'd get back to bed himself.

"You do look like shit you know." Havoc said and enjoyed his cigarette while he could, knowing Riza was going to be back with some medical staff soon.

"I didn't ask you." Roy mumbled as he leaned onto the bed and groaned. There was no good way to lay down. He was skewered, charred and overcooking from the inside out. He wasn't going to complain, at least he still could walk. Well...kinda.

"Chief, are you going to make it?"

Roy could feel the haze of unconsciousness starting to cloud his mind, his legs began to wobble under him and he grabbed at the sheets as his last resort. They gave way and he crumbled to the floor.

Havoc put out his cigarette and tossed the butt next to Roy as he heard the voices in the hall. The door opened and the nurse they feared entered and stared at him. "The Colonel got up to smoke and passed out." He even coughed a bit to pretend like it bothered him.

Riza and Dr. Jenkins came in as the nurse scooped up Roy like he was a child. Riza noticed that Roy's head found a place right between the woman's breasts before she set him back into the bed. They all looked over at Jean as he started coughing to try and mask his laughter.

"I didn't know the Colonel smoked." Dr. Jenkins flipped open his patient's folder and reread the questionnaire.

"Of course he does!" Havoc cleared his throat as he noticed the nurse lifting up Roy's hospital shirt to check out his seeping and bleeding wound. The woman quickly peeled off the bandage. "I mean, look at him. He looks like a smoked ham."

Riza shook her head as the nurse pulled the curtain shut, then went over to Havoc's side to give them some privacy. She watched him put a new cigarette in his mouth, knowing he just wanted to feel the comfort of it between his lips. She sat down in the chair Roy was previously occupying and listened to what the medical professionals were talking about in hushed tones. They had no reason to tell her anything and Mustang was doing an excellent job hiding everything from her, so eavesdropping was a last resort.

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><p>"Sir, what do you think you're doing?" Riza dropped her overcoat as she watched him pull his IV out of his arm.<p>

"Getting the hell out of here." Roy pulled the tape that held the catheter in place and carefully extracted the damned thing from his arm.

"No, you're not!" Riza objected and saw his angry eyes turn on her.

"What? You want me to lay down and quit? Just give up? Sorry, Lieutenant, I think we've already had enough of that from this team for one week." Roy snorted and missed her reaction as he tried to stop the bleeding on his arm with the sheets.

Havoc winced as he saw the look in Hawkeye's eyes. So he chimed in, "Hey! Enough with your cripple jokes!"

"I have work to do." Roy said and threw the catheter to the floor. Havoc knew damned well he wasn't talking about him. "Research. People to find. Anything but sitting around here reading the newspaper."

"Sir..." Riza objected again.

"Lieutenant, either help me or get out of my way." He growled at her. "Where the hell are my clothes?"

Riza bit her lip and saw him wobble as his bare feet hit the ground. "I'll...go get them."

"Thanks."

"Don't be such an ass." Havoc piped up as soon as Riza left. Mustang turned on him.

"Do you understand that time is of the essence? That every second we wait to repair your spinal damage, your nerves and muscles atrophy and die?" Roy hissed.

"Do you realize that if you go stumbling out of here and get yourself killed, that everything we sacrificed for...withers and dies with you?" Havoc shot back.

"I am well aware of the sacrifices everyone has made for me." Roy shifted his eyes to him and taped some gauze to his arm to stop the bleeding. Havoc apparently felt immune to his wrath now, and justifiably so. Guilt was a very powerful emotion to toy with.

"You're just pissed because you didn't realize how much Hawkeye would sacrifice for you." Havoc watched those eyes narrow. Good.

"That is between the Lieutenant and I." Roy growled. "I have enough people trying to kill us, I don't need any of you doing them any favors."

"Especially when she's your Queen." Havoc smiled, it was actually kind of fun to throw things back in Mustang's face. "However you have to remember that the game ends if we lose our _King. Y_ou_. _The rest of us are pieces that are supposed to be sacrificed as needed to keep you safe and open up a way for you to advance."

Roy felt dizzy, not sure if it was because of his weakened physical state or the reminder that he had just lost another one of his valuable pieces. A reminder that as much as he wanted to protect them, the enemy was slowly taking them out of play. First Hughes, now Havoc. "That's not how I play my game."

"Hence why Grumman kicks your ass all over the place." Havoc snorted. "It's war, Colonel. Maybe not like you saw in Ishval, but it's war none-the-less. You're going to have casualties."

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><p>"Colonel Mustang isn't cleared to leave." The nurse who was the brunt of his jokes was in no way amused by him. In fact she was greatly annoyed by his attitude. She felt like every annoyed grunt, dismissive statement and superior tone was a slight against her profession. He had every right to be cranky, his burn was a very serious wound, but he didn't need to add so much venom to his bite.<p>

Riza swallowed hard. She felt like she was betraying Mustang and knew he would see it that way, however he was going to get himself killed if he left the hospital in this state. "He is trying to leave."

Nurse Amue looked up from her paperwork as the pretty blond officer looked away from her. She was trained to spot subtle tells and knew the woman was trying to get her point across. "Well then, I'm going to have to surprise him with a visit from his doctor and a nice shot of sedative."

Riza nodded.

"But here, sweetie. You go ahead and take that man his clothes so he can do all the work undressing for me. I'm sick of fighting that scrawny man-baby so I can check on his bandages. I'll go find the Doctor." She wished she wasn't professional for just one minute, because it would feel damned good to stab that man with a veterinary needle intended for the wild steed that was his namesake. But alas, that damned professionalism reared it's ugly head.

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><p>Roy Mustang was literally caught with his pants down and Havoc couldn't help but explode in laughter. The Colonel tried to escape his favorite nurse, but ended up tripping on his own pants and crashing into the IV stand. He was barely able to stand up without holding on to something, it was a wonder the man even made it past taking of his hospital pants.<p>

"Colonel." Nurse Amue reached down and pulled his pants off his ankles and tossed them onto the chair. "For a military man, you sure do have a problem following orders."

"I don't answer to you." Roy crawled over to the chair and grabbed his pants. He'd just put them on while sitting on the ground.

Riza came in and looked at him sitting there in his bloody white shirt and boxers. Then she winced as he whipped his pants at the Nurse as she grab them out of his weak grasp and slapped him in the face with them.

"We should transfer you to pediatrics." Amue mumbled. "I'm not here to babysit children."

Havoc laughed again.

Roy tried to scramble away from her, but the nurse was a imposing woman who actually reminded everyone of a female Alex Armstrong even if nobody wanted to admit that. No, it was bad enough that looking at her conjured that image, it was best not to vocalize that thought while she was the one tending to their care. It was a silent pact he and Havoc made the first day, and the joking that ensued was a way to cover their discomfort. Right now, however, Roy Mustang cringed in the shadow of the huge nurse and squeaked when he realized he was looking up her skirt.

"Colonel Mustang," Nurse Amue began and put her hands on her hips as the little man cowered in the corner, shutting his eyes and whimpering. Ugh, she hated when her big sister was right, this man was just a spineless cocky little shit. "Let me make it perfectly clear to you right now that your care for your body is a disgrace! Do you understand the beauty of the human form? Do you understand that your body only asks for you to provide minimal care while it slaves away for you and you just batter and abuse it with no regard whatsoever for your well being?"

Havoc ceased his laughing and his mouth dropped open. No way...

"Apparently _you don't_." She sighed and shook her head. "Now my job, Colonel, is to ensure that I take care of your damaged body not your ridiculous ego. The human body is a magnificent biological machine, so many systems working flawlessly together to provide you with this life you take for granted."

Roy clamped his eyes shut. This couldn't be happening. No! Armstrong's sister was NOT his nurse! _Oh God, what if she takes her shirt off too? Oh God, what if her boobs are exposed? What if Strong Arm alchemy was Alex's specialty and this woman had Strong Boob alchemy? No, No NO!_

Riza saw a small sparkle and cocked her head in disbelief. Sure, the woman looked like a girl Armstrong but it was just a coincidence, right? Olivier and Catherine looked nothing like Alex.

"Appreciation of the human body has been passed down in the Armstrong family for generations!" Amue Armstrong, second eldest child in the prestigious Armstrong family bellowed. "And if I need to have my little brother come in here and show you how glorious the human form is to remind you to take care of yourself, I will. Not that you can even come close to his glorious muscular form, not even with those surprisingly defined abs of yours."

Havoc shuddered. Why? Why of all the Armstrong women did this one have to be their nurse? Where was cute little Catherine?

Dr. Jenkins returned and watched the show from the doorway. "As happy as I am that you are so eager to go back to work and show me what my tax dollars are paying for, I would prefer you do so next week. I don't want to answer to the Fuhrer himself as to why I couldn't keep one of his prized alchemists alive."

Roy's eyes opened as the sound of someone new gave him hope that this woman had a supervisor she obeyed. He looked up at the doctor and in that split second, the nurse stabbed him in the arm with a needle. She was quick, or he was too damned slow, because as he looked at her she already finished injecting him and was standing up with a glint of satisfaction in her eye. Or was that a sparkle?

"That being said," The doctor said with a smile. "I have no problems sedating you for the duration of your stay. So unless you want to lose another day of work, Colonel, I hope the next time I pay you a visit I can have some good news to report instead of informing you this stunt probably added more time to your stay."

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><p>Roy glanced at Riza as she handed him a folder. "Interesting timing the other day, how the staff knew to come in here just as I was ready to leave. With sedatives, no less."<p>

Riza knew he could read her, even when he was half paying half attention to what was going on. So when he was a mere foot from her and scrutinizing every move of her body to see how she reacted, she knew it was pointless to lie.

"I thought so."

She flinched as he pulled the file from her hands and sat it on his lap. "I'm not going to watch you kill yourself by leaving too soon."

Havoc continued to enjoy his cigarette. "Don't be such a bitch, Roy. You couldn't even get your pants on."

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Havoc." Roy snapped. Perhaps he should request a private room.

"I don't care, you're planning on being an asshole and it's not fair to her." Havoc gave him a smile. "Don't like it?_ Fire me_."

Roy glared at him and watched him grin.

"Oh wait, you already did! You cooked me medium well." Havoc chuckled.

"Yes, let's reflect on our encounter with Lust shall we?" Roy snapped his head back to Riza. "If I have to work from my hospital bed, I guess we'll just have to clear the first thing off my list right now."

"Roy..." Havoc wondered how this ass could be a friend of his. How the hell did that happen when he was always such a jerk?

"Shut it Jean." Roy hissed. "I tried to do this privately but _someone_ stabbed me in the back yesterday and had me sedated."

"Oh? So that's why you took off your pants?" Havoc refused to lay off. Riza was standing against the wall practically chewing her lip off and he wasn't going to see pissy Mustang lash out at her. "To go off and have a _private conversation_ with Hawkeye? No wonder you can't get together with her! She's tired of doing all the work for you in the office, I think she deserves better than that in the bedroom."

Roy started to doodle on his folder. How was this ass his friend? "No, in fact I was going to address a concern that I have about someone falling for a juvenile trick."

"Oh for shit's sake." Havoc threw his cigarette at him before the man could complete the transmutation circle he was drawing. He had been a victim of Roy's amusing abuse of his flame alchemy one too many times to not see what he was planning. "Lust thought you were dead! You probably thought so too!"

"It doesn't matter!" Roy hollered and brushed the damned smoldering cancer stick off his bed. "I didn't give up did I? I didn't just say, 'well the hell with it if you say so, you lying, evil bitch.' I mean, let me just give up and quit right here? Why go on?"

"You know what? If that's all you see Roy..then you deserve to die alone." Jean snorted and rolled his eyes when Mustang threw the folder at him.

"Fuck you, Jean."

"Kiss my crippled ass, Roy!"

At this point Riza would usually step in but she really wasn't all that interested in him turning his wrath on her. Roy was like a wounded animal when he was vulnerable, something that was never present in his youth. No, this was no longer the boy who shrieked in laughter as she accidentally tickled him when pulling a splinter out of his foot. Here was the man whose burden of command weighed on him and forced him to use any means necessary to remain the Colonel they all counted on; The stalwart hero, the man who mastered the most deadly form of alchemy, the confident commander. They were all fixed on him like travelers on the North Star and his injury left them all shaken. If it was bad before the incident with Lust, it was going to get so much worse from here. He didn't consider what would happen to his supporters if he died and that would now be an ever present thought in that overactive mind of his from here on out. How Havoc was crippled and how she gave up on her will to live without him. So now, he was going to grow all the more intolerable when someone tried to step in and threaten his ability to protect and lead the people he cared for. Even if that someone was his own body or his Lieutenant. Especially since he hated that_ her_ weakness was _him_. So she kept her mouth shut because the last thing they needed was to have this argument in front of Havoc.

"I'm trying to get out of here to fix your crippled ass!" Roy shouted back.

"As bad as you look, I think I'd get farther in my wheelchair and teaching myself alchemy along the way. You look like death warmed over and you aren't doing me or anyone any favors by breaking out of here." Havoc frisbeed the folder back at him, papers already strewn all over the ground.

"Well sitting here and filing out my report on how my Lieutenants almost died isn't helping anyone either!" Roy spat.

"Wah, Wah!" Jean wailed.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"What the hell is going on in here!?" Nurse Amue walked in with her hands on her hips. "You woke up the entire floor with your childish arguing."

"This is how we work!" Roy hollered. "So if you have a problem with it, discharge me!"

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><p>Riza went home to shower after Roy was dosed with yet another round of sedatives for his outburst. Jean tried to tell her it was because Roy was an idiot and had no idea how to cope with the fact that he almost lost her. She told him to quit making everything about a mythical romance brewing between his superiors and get some rest.<p>

"_Riz, the guy wakes up panicked and calling out for you."_

"_For me? Or his Lieutenant."_

"_Don't play games with me. That man calls me Havoc. Lieutenant rolls of his tongue for you like it's some secret pet name doused in some sex sauce."_

"_Sex sauce?"_

_Havoc held up his magazine."Breda brings me reading material. Apparently he thinks giving me porn will help my third leg spring into action and save me from a wheelchair. No surprise, but he clearly digs the idea of eating things of naked chicks."_

More information than she cared to know about Breda, however it gave her the excuse to leave. She sincerely doubted the Colonel was upset about her near death experience. She gave up and he didn't. He fought on half-dead and she sat there without a scratch and just cried. Whatever he wanted to yell at her about, she deserved.

Unfortunately when she got back to the hospital, he was already gone. She raced out of the building, thanking God that he didn't drive himself there. Roy's driving skills and his injury would have not only left him dead, but probably half of the city as well. He most likely called a cab and went home. Some days she hated that he was so driven and stubborn! It may very well be why she supported him but there were times when the situation called for him to be undeniably selfish and he ignored it.

So now it was time for compromise. If he wouldn't stay in the hospital, then she'd just have to take care of him at his home. He was doing more harm to himself trying to escape than the doctors could continually repair. So, let him have his way. Stubborn bastard.


	2. Chapter 2

_Blaze of Glory_

Chapter 2

** You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man; I ask if I'll grow old.**

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><p>"That's not why I gave you a key." Roy slammed his book shut and looked at Riza as she walked into his living room and stared at him.<p>

"If you insist on being out of the hospital, then let me stay here to make sure you don't get any worse." She replied. On her way over to his apartment she tried to come up with the best way to approach the situation and decided on just complying with whatever he said he wanted. She would have to prove to him that he was not well enough to be out of the hospital and that would be the only way he would return to it.

He hesitated as there was no denying he felt horrible and weak. In fact, he wanted to kick his own ass for forgetting how many painkillers he was on before he left. "I don't have time to get better. If Havoc's nerve damage can be reversed I need to find something soon. The longer we wait, the worse our chances get as the tissue atrophies and dies."

"I'll stay with you." She made sure it was a clear statement and not a question. He did better with those.

"I'm still pissed at you." He replied.

"I know."

"What were you thinking? How could you just give up!" He threw the book and crossed his arms. Damn! The act of throwing really pulled on the bandage. He grunted and continued, "Dammit Riza! I'm not worth dying for."

"We believe you are." She made sure it was phrased so that he understood it wasn't just her unwavering dedication she was speaking of, it was his entire team.

"Well I don't. I'm not worth Hughes's life. I'm not worth Jean's legs." Roy snapped back. His anger brought forth a nice rush of energy he desperately needed.

"That's not a decision for you to make. We chose our own path and it is following you down this road. " She walked up and put her hand on his head to check for a fever and he looked up at her, not sure if he was going to have to have to yell some more. "So let me help you if you're going to stay home."

He wondered why she was being so calm and quiet. Where was the woman who screamed at him and called him an idiot? Where was the woman who tripped him and called him useless? He looked up at her as she waited for him to accept the offer. "Fine."

"I'll make you something to eat. "

"I don't actually have any food here." Roy glanced over at his kitchen. "In fact, whatever I do have is probably expired and possibly eligible to be donated to a museum."

"What?"

"I don't really eat much." He admitted. "I usually just eat lunch unless I have a date."

"Roy, your condition is not something you can ignore. Nor are your burns..."

"I'm fine." He responded curtly.

Finally she had enough and regrettably went for a low blow. "I know what burns of that magnitude feel like. I know the chance of infection and I know it needs to be taken care of. I know because you took care of me and you scolded me when I tried to send you away."

Any resistance melted away and his stubborn scowl was replaced by his apologetic eyes. Memories flooded his mind from when he did the same thing to Riza. He opened his mouth to say something but found no words capable of explaining that time years ago. 'Sorry' was such a weak word of apology, so hollow and overused.

"Let me just help. Please?" Riza said before he could come up with something to say.

"On one condition." He said.

"What's that?"

"You never give up again. _Ever._ You carry on if I die. I'm barely worth your life's dedication, I'm not worth your life." He found his anger again and leaned on that.

"We knew that this road wouldn't be without sacrifice." She said and he looked up at her and swallowed hard.

"There's been enough of that. You've given me enough and I..." Roy couldn't even begin to list everything she had given him. From the first day at Master Hawkeye's when her warm smile gave him the confidence to look that imposing, stoic man in the eye. She gave him the secrets on her back and followed it by watching him through her scope in Ishval. She vowed to follow him and there were so many other ways she continued to protect him through the years. He liked that he was depended on to be the hero, but he never wanted her to become dependent on him. She was too strong for that, especially since their goal had kept them at arms length for so long. Riza Hawkeye shouldn't give up her life knowing he was gone from it, not when he wasn't completely a part of it. Why...how could she want to die for a man who couldn't even act on his feelings for her. How could he die without telling her?

"Roy?"

He blinked and nodded. "Losing you is not an option."

"We are in this together." She said and sat down next to him. She didn't want to look at him so she stared at the unlit fireplace. "I have your back...and you have mine. We're bound to each other by that curse my father bestowed upon us both."

"Is that all?" He asked and _oh_ did it sound desperate!

"You're my hope Roy. Hope that we can pay our penance for what we have done." She quietly added. "Hope that there is a future and not just a past that we can never really escape from. Hope that the past will not repeat itself because we are going to end this miserable cycle."

"Riza, there is still a future for you without me." He said and he watched her eyes turn to him. He held his breath as those brown eyes told him that there wasn't. In one simple look he saw that she knew she was responsible for making him what he was. Without her, he would have never been in the position to be used as a weapon. All those lives he took wouldn't have destroyed him and he wouldn't have a reason to change the country. If he failed, she failed to save him. If he died, she'd be the one who was at fault for making him a target. Her eyes told him that she believed she was as much at fault for it because she helped create him. They were bound to each other. Deep down, he wanted her to be in every part of his life but not like this. No, this was the worst way to be soul mates. "Riza..."

They both jumped as a knock at the door startled them. Riza closed her eyes and took a deep breath to compose herself as Roy cursed beside her. She stood and went to answer it, not worried that she would have to explain her presence. He was missing from the hospital and his bodyguard came to find him. It was that simple. She opened the door and Breda stood there with an embarrassed smile, then he was shoved out of the way by a mountain of blue named Alex Armstrong.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Armstrong said and held up a small bag as an offering. "I stopped by the hospital at the request of my beautiful sister. When I went to the Colonel's room to inspire him to take better care of his body, Lieutenant Havoc informed me that Mustang had left. I brought his medication ."

Riza reached for the bag and Armstrong clung to it like he had more to say. She had to move forward and stand in the doorway of Mustang's apartment to see the giant and his quivering lip outside. "The Colonel is resting. I'll see to it that he gets this."

"He needs professional medical care." Armstrong whispered. "A scar of that magnitude will distract from the beauty of the body. Not to mention it's flexibility!"

She looked to Breda who just shrugged. He obviously went to visit Havoc and was volunteered to bring the Major to this location since Alex had no idea where Roy lived. She saw Roy's neighbor pretending to polish the brass numbers on her door in order to hear what the famous Colonel was up to. None too thrilled with the spy, she wanted to bring the conversation to a close and held out her hand for the bag. "I'll speak with the Colonel when he wakes up. I'm sure he'll be less cranky and willing to hear that if I have medication for him."

Armstrong smiled and handed her the bag. "Lieutenant Breda has the bandages. I will come back tomorrow and bring more or help you bring him back to the hospital."

"Thanks. I have it under control." Riza took one stride backwards and closed the door.

Roy gave her a smile as she returned with the medical supplies. "Thanks. I don't think I could handle a nude sparkling Armstrong right now. "

"Let's change your bandage so you can get some rest." She opened the goody bag of narcotics and her eyes grew wide. Wow, he was on a lot of medication. "Then I'll go out and do some shopping."

He nodded and tried to find the motivation to get off his couch. Moving hurt, standing was even worse. "I'll just sleep on the couch."

"No, you won't." Riza held out her hand to help him up.

He gratefully took it and groaned as he stood. He was still unsteady on his feet and completely exhausted. His side just throbbed with a pulsating heat and a stabbing pain with every breath he took. Riza went to his 'good' side, put his arm around her shoulder and helped steady him. He couldn't help but notice how fragrant her hair was as she guided him to his bedroom.

Riza lead him to his bed and quickly fixed the sheets and blankets and almost didn't finish in time as Roy sat down on the bed with a grunt. He looked pale and she knew it was time to stop talking and arguing and just get him settled into bed. "I'll be right back with your medication and bandages. See if you can get that shirt off before I get back."

He watched her leave and wished he had it in him to make some kind of lewd comeback, but instead he fumbled with his shirt buttons and said nothing. His heavy eyelids finally closed as his mind rejoiced knowing he was back in his own bed. The hospital bed was miserable and he had no choice but to sleep on his back because of the damned IV. As he moved to unbutton his shirt his elbow ached, reminding him that it was bruised from the catheter. He sat there with his finger hung up on his open shirt and just gave into his exhaustion.

Riza returned with a glass of water, his pills and the bag of bandaging materials. She paused at the doorway, he was slumped over with his eyes shut and his hand stuck on his half unbuttoned shirt. She couldn't help but wonder why they trusted this man with their lives when he was so incredibly reckless with his own. Damned frustrating man. "You better not be picturing me in a nurses outfit."

He let his eyelids slowly lift back open and raised his heavy head to look at her. "I think that fantasy might be ruined for me now that I'm been exposed to Nurse Armstrong."

"I can call Alex back." She grinned. "I'm sure he'd model whatever you want just to make you feel better."

"Get me a trash can, I'm going to puke."

"How about I give you your medication and you keep it down?" She took his hand out of his shirt and dropped the pills into his palm.

He almost missed his mouth as he tried to toss the pills in it and his hand reacted slower than he intended. God, he felt like shit. How could he be this exhausted when all they did was drug him over the past few days? Was it even days? He had no idea how long he had been hospitalized and he wished he cared to ask. Instead, he tried to not drop his pills out of his mouth.

"You lost a lot of blood Colonel." Riza said, answering his mental question as his brows furrowed in an expression of perplexity. He was having to suck the pills off his hand as he almost dropped them all instead of placing them in his mouth. One fell into his lap and she just plucked it off his pants before he realized how close she had been to touching him. He looked at her with his glassy onyx eyes, confused as to how she knew what he was thinking. "You lost blood before you cauterized the wound and even after there was internal bleeding. You need to recover and this incredible escape of yours was really not a good idea."

_She knew him so well she could read his mind_. He knew he didn't say it out loud because his hand was still over his mouth. He reached for the glass of water and she held out another pill like a dog treat. Why the hell couldn't he be more lucid for this? This was the kind of originality his fantasies were lacking. He tilted his head back and parted his lips, she delicately dropped the pill in before he drank. Before he was done drinking she was already unbuttoning his shirt. _Remember this Roy, remember this because this is a one in a lifetime event and you are going to hate yourself later for missing this. _

Riza carefully unbuttoned his shirt and cuffs as he rolled the empty glass onto the bed. She should have been flustered by this, the sheer notion of being in his bedroom taking his shirt off would have been enough to turn her cheeks red yesterday. However it was a duty that wasn't to be trivialized. Right now she was the soldier, tending to a wounded comrade and she was horribly worried for his health. Thankfully Armstrong would come back tomorrow and if Roy was worse, she had someone to carry him to the car. She got his shirt off as carefully as possible and picked up the discarded glass before setting them both on the dresser.

Roy watched her scrutinize his bandage. He did have enough energy when he got home to change it, especially since it was oozing and disgusting after his journey from the hospital to home. So he removed the juicy gauze and replaced it with what he had on hand. Then sat down to read while he reveled in his triumph and agony as he struggled to concentrate on the words in his book. Riza, was clearly not impressed by his improvisation.

Roy shifted uncomfortably as she stared at his bandage of fabric and electrical tape. "It's a miracle you lived this long. Are you ever going to get wiser as you get older, because you are not impressing me at all right now."

"I'm not planning to live that long." He snorted.

There was something in his voice, something that sounded like a foregone conclusion; he didn't worry about his body now because he wasn't going to have to deal with it when he got old._ He never planned to grow old_. That made her bite her lip as a wave of emotion washed over her. This man who she cared about so much, the man she dedicated her life to supporting and spent her waking moments worrying about...never intended to enjoy the world he wanted to create. Thinking he was dead paralyzed her and she cried like she hadn't done since her mother died, tears of soul crushing grief at the loss of someone so precious. Now those tears were begging to be let loose again, because he was the one who was lost already, accepting that he wasn't worthy of a good life in this world. She shook her head and warded off the tears. Dammit, this was not the time for this. She needed him relaxed and not defensive. "Roy, why must you be such an idiot?"

Roy gave her a weak smirk. "I guess I'm useless without my babysitter."

Riza huffed as she sat down beside him and started to gently peel the black tape off his skin. As she removed the fabric she realized what it was and resisted the urge to smack him in the head. As her eyes took in the burn, the raw flesh pockmarked with yellow crusty puss, she gave an exacerbated sigh. "This is cheese cloth, not gauze, and now there is lint and fabric stuck in your burn."

"I don't exactly have medical supplies."

"Couldn't you have taken some when you broke out of the hospital? You had no problems stealing your clothes."

"I'm an idiot." He mumbled and looked at his burn which was seeping, flaking and covered in all kinds of fuzzy strands now. Yes, he was a damned idiot.

"Why do you even have this?" Riza threw the cheesecloth on the floor and sighed as she looked at all the work she had ahead of her.

"Handy for science experiments." He mumbled.

"It's also too dense for a bandage. Gauze is more open so it can let this would breathe a bit and not stick to so much."

"Thanks for the lesson."

"One you clearly needed."

"I usually just use duct tape and paper towels, but this wound seemed to call for something better." Roy said thoughtfully. "I guess I should have gone to that mandatory first aid course and not played doctor with that nurse instead."

"Or just stayed in the damned hospital." She had dealt with burns before, another miserable perk to her position as daughter of the flame alchemist. Her father had many accidents while he was trying to master his art and Roy had plenty of issues when he was trying to decode and experiment with the information she had given him. Then there was the days after Ishval when she instructed Roy on how to care for the burn on her back. "Roy, you knew better."

"I honestly just didn't care." He admitted. "I wanted it to stop oozing and the bandage was soaked by the time I got home. My body doesn't matter, it's an means to and end. Havoc however...he's a good guy. He wants a family. He would be a great Dad. He's got a full life ahead of him and his life is ruined because of me."

"You should stop stealing his dates then."

"Riza, I'm serious." He looked to her and he wished his voice came out in more than just a pitiful whisper. "I took Hughes from his family. Now I took Havoc from his future family. Who really is the monster? That homunculus or the commander who leads his men to their deaths trying to make amends for his own mistakes?"

"Lay down Roy." She brushed his ebony bangs out of his watery eyes. "I don't want to go to another funeral and if you don't let me clean this up it's going to get infected. Stop treating us like misguided children, we are following you out of our own volition. Destroying yourself over this is going to make everything we have done, everything we have lost, mean nothing. Please, worry about yourself right now. Lay down."

His body screamed at him to obey, the lure of his mattress was too great to ignore any longer. So he nodded and she stood up to let him get comfortable as he just flopped down and welcomed the embrace of his bed. She helped him get his legs up onto the mattress as he didn't have the motivation to exert any more energy. Ugh. He wished he felt even marginally better so he could enjoy being under Riza's care. Now his stomach was beginning to churn thanks to the pills he swallowed without thinking about adding food first. Riza disappeared into his bathroom, going through cabinets and searching for something. He should have been more concerned, however he was currently staring at lost and found pile of woman's undergarments and he knew _that_ hadn't escaped the 'eyes of the hawk'. He was a winner alright.

"Do you remember when you had that splinter in your foot back when you were an apprentice?" Riza asked as she looked for a pair of tweezers in Roy's medicine cabinet.

"I remember kicking you in the face and giving you a black eye because you tickled me." Roy sighed. "I thought your father was going to kill me."

"I told you he wouldn't even notice." She came back out with the tweezers and sat on his bed beside him as he lay on his side, burn exposed.

"Well, it was still early on in my stay with your family." Roy replied. "Before I realized he was a negligent asshole."

"It took me forever to convince you to walk outside without shoes. Damned city boy." She began to pluck strands of fabric from his skin.

"City boy nothing. When you grow up in a bar, you learn that there is nowhere safe to go barefoot except your room." He pulled his pillow down to his head and rested on it. She knew how to distract him, that's for sure. No complaints, he didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts any more than he wanted to concentrate on the skin crawling feeling of lint being pulled out of his wound. "Besides, look what it got me when I listened to you. A stake driven into my foot."

"I told you to stay to the right on the back porch. You were supposed to be an observant scientist, I thought you would have realized those boards were old, warped and cracking." She shook her head. "That splinter was barely a sixteenth of an inch long. A stake? So damned dramatic. You had bigger thorns in your hands you when picking raspberries."

"Always watching out from me, weren't you?"

"I tried, but sometimes you were too stubborn to listen."

"Well I guess that's one positive." He mumbled. "I haven't completely lost that part of me."

"You were much more mature as a sixteen year old than a 30 year old." She shook her head. "I don't know how that happened."

"Lost youth. You and me both." He said simply. "We both had to grow up too fast."

"Speaking of growing up too fast." Riza wiped another piece of lint off on a towel. "Alphonse and Edward are asking if they can do anything to help. Perhaps you can give me a list of books you want them to get out of the library?"

"Good idea." He said and yawned.

"Get some rest, sir." She said as she watched his eyes finally shut. "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you Riza."


	3. Chapter 3

_Blaze of Glory_

Chapter 3

**You ask about my conscience; And I offer you my soul**

* * *

><p>Roy wrapped his arms around his pillow tighter and tried to avoid waking up fully. He just wanted a few more minutes to enjoy sleep, however his mind allowed his senses to start to clear the haze of slumber. He hugged the pillow even tighter, not wanted to give in as his body told him to quit trying to cling to sleep that he had too much of. A few moments earlier he had been completely comfortable and not a single thing in his environment was out of place. His bed was soft and perfect, the room temperature was just right and he had been dreaming about Hawkeye in a magnificent purple dress at a party. Some kind of weird party at the Armstrong and he had no idea why she was so dressed up at the pool. He was in an ugly shirt and shorts and was so desperate to corner her to tell her how good she looked but then...he was stirred awake by something on his leg. Something wet and fluffy.<p>

That something was being wet and fluffy again and his brain laughed at him as it withdrew the dream into the shadows of his mind never to be seen again. So now all hope was lost as his senses took back over and made lying in bed uncomfortable. He was now warm, as his whole body was overheating and he threw his blanket off in disgust. Then his side started to throb. His mouth was dry and chalky and the bed was now feeling a little damp from sweat. Then there was that fluff he could feel on his leg and he didn't remember taking his pants off before he went to bed. Well, that wasn't exactly a new thing.

So as that fuzz rubbed against his thigh and a touch of cold damp something smeared on his calf, he shifted and threw the pillow to the floor. Then he rubbed his eyes with one hand and his morning wood with the other, as the fluffy occupant of his bed came over to stand over him and whimper. He finally opened his eyes and stared into the face of a black and white dog who appeared to be smiling at him. He reached out to pet Hayate and the excited dog licked his face and then stood on his chest wagging his tail. His paw pressed Roy's own dog tags into his chest as his rabies and ID tag jingled. Not exactly how he wanted to wake up.

Roy pushed the dog off him and sat up, then the reminder of how badly damaged he was hit him worse than any hangover he had ever had. Hayate sat next to him, watching his every move and he looked around to see if Riza was observing him too. A bruised body he could live with, but he wanted to live without the knowledge that Hawkeye watched him cuddle his pillow mumbling her name or gingerly rubbed his erection without considering the audience. Oh, and then there was the dog who just gave him good morning kisses. Thankfully she wasn't in here at the moment, just him in his boxers and her dog.

He stood up and Hayate bounced off the bed and trotted out of the bedroom, clearly to report to his supervisor that the other dog was finally awake. He stepped on his uniform pants and breathed a sigh of relief. He probably took them off after getting too warm sometime during the night. If Hawkeye took them off they'd be folded and somewhere more respectful than the floor. Another mystery solved.

So he staggered into his bathroom and shut the door before taking a piss. He looked at the shower and wondered how he could utilize it without having water beat the hell out of his burn. In fact, he really didn't want anything touching it, so how the hell was he going to wash off? He ran a hand through his hair and cringed. It was so oily and nasty. Then he looked down at his bandage and saw it was gooey again. Sick or not, he needed to be clean.

Finished peeing he flushed and turned to the mirror to look at himself. He looked as disgusting as he felt. He pulled pajama pants off the towel bar and a pair of boxers off the shelf, glad that being a whore came in handy today. He always took a shower after sleeping with a woman, perhaps to wash off the reminders of the one-night stand before he sat up all night reading to avoid thinking about _who_ he pretended was in his bed. He shook off those thoughts and put the toilet seat down in order to sit and put them on. Perhaps after he got some coffee and some medication, he could take a bath. If he only filled the tub with enough water to cover his legs he could avoid contact with his injury. Brilliant! But how did he wash his hair?

His erection answered with a twitch of approval as the thought of Riza washing his hair for him stirred a forgotten fantasy to arise from the mists of his mind. She used to cut his hair for him when he was an apprentice and he never forgot the feeling of her hands running through his hair. He looked down at himself as he pushed his boxers off to change and decided it was best to take care of this now since he wasn't going to be able to concentrate on anything unless he did.

* * *

><p>Riza wasn't happy that Hayate ignored his training and jumped up on the bed with Roy, however the dog clearly knew he wasn't feeling well and she didn't have the heart to tell him to get down. That was over ten hours ago and she was checking Roy's medication to see if any of the prescriptions were sleeping aids. She wanted him to get rest, but after a certain time she started to get worried. Seeing Hayate come out of the bedroom was a relief and when she heard the toilet flush she finally left the couch to make coffee and food.<p>

She poured his coffee, made him a breakfast sandwich and set his pills on the counter with all of it. She wasn't sure what mood he'd be in now that he was awake or if he'd just crawl back into bed and sleep again. In fact she didn't know what was taking him so long in the bathroom. There was a squeak to the floor board right outside the bathroom door and she would have heard it if he was out already. She was a guest in his home and as much as she wanted to go in there and ask if he was OK, she didn't want to anger him or make him feel like he wasn't free to do what he wanted in his own apartment. She drank some coffee and when the door opened she smiled.

"How long, have I been out?" Roy asked as he emerged from his bedroom wearing some pajama pants and an unbuttoned dress shirt. He wanted to look more professional for her, but he still couldn't manage to get anything else on over his bandage. Hopefully he just looked like a sick man trying to stay comfortable and not some greasy, sweaty loser who now smelled like corn-huskers lotion thanks to his morning ritual.

"You slept for about ten hours. Got up a few times, but you went back to bed." She didn't want to give him a detailed surveillance journal of his activities, especially since he would rather just be sick alone. However he wasn't sick, this wasn't some flu and she couldn't let him ignore his health.

Roy waved at Hayate since he couldn't bend well to pet him, then slipped onto a stood at the counter to see the breakfast she had set out for him. "So do I have to share my breakfast with Hayate too?"

Riza watched a small grin form on his lips as he reached for his coffee. "I had to go get him since I planned to stay here until you were better. He was worried that you weren't feeling well and wouldn't leave your side. You're one of his favorite people, you know."

He glanced up at her as his lips hovered over the cup. His brain told him to take the opportunity to tell her that she was _his_ favorite person, but he smelled damned lotion on his hand as it overpowered the aroma of the coffee wafting up to his nose. It felt wrong saying it now so he drank and said nothing.

Riza grabbed the towel and wiped the counter with it even though it didn't have a crumb on it. He made her nervous when he didn't say anything, especially when he deliberately didn't look her in the eye. "I was getting worried about you sleeping so long."

"I didn't really sleep well in the hospital." He said as he set the coffee down and took the sandwich. Fried egg and cheese on a croissant. This wasn't breakfast, it was a culinary masterpiece. "Remind me to reimburse you for groceries."

"Just eat and take your pills." She said and his eyes momentarily drifted to hers and he gave her a innocent smile.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She said and watched him almost devour the sandwich in three bites. Despite how bad he looked, that was a huge improvement.

"I think..." He said as he wiped his lips of cheese oil. "That was possibly the most amazing thing I've ever eaten."

She handed him the dish towel and smiled at him. "I'll start making an extra one for you every morning."

"Not planning on moving out?" He asked and swept the pills off the counter into his hand. He thought it sounded a little too hopeful so he added, "Now that your dog is sleeping with me?"

She raised an eyebrow as he thought about what he just said and cleared her throat. "I meant when you are cleared to go back to work."

"I put you through enough trouble."

"If you like it..."

"Riza if I could have everything I like..." He put the pills in his mouth instead of continuing with that. Then washed it down with coffee and cleared his throat. "I'm going to take a bath."

She watched him slide off the stool and Hayate ran over to his side as he brushed crumbs off his dress shirt. "Can I...get you anything?"

He glanced over his shoulder at her and he could see that she was skeptical about his ability to bathe without damaging himself. "If you can figure out a way to wash my hair, I'll promote you to Captain when I get back to work."

She frowned. "Abusing your authority is not how I want to get a promotion."

"You don't get payed enough to put up with my shit." Roy snorted and stumbled back to his room. "Nobody will argue against that."

Riza wasn't sure if that was a thank you or a admission of guilt. She followed him as he wandered to his bathroom to start a bath. He gave her an indignant look, like he needed to be able to do this one little thing to save his ego from shattering. So she grabbed his shampoo and conditioner and a towel. "I'll have to wash your hair in the sink. Enjoy your bath, sir."

And then she was gone and he hung his head. He really didn't deserve her.

* * *

><p>There was no good way to wash Roy's hair without being in contact with his body. She wasn't sure if she was thankful he was leaning over the counter with his head over the sink or not. His shirt was off and his arms folded on the sink edge, so she had this uninhibited view of his incredible back. If his abs were as amazingly defined as they were she shouldn't have been startled to discover his back was just as glorious. She poured some water out of a pitcher and ran her hands through his hair, trying to keep her eyes from wandering.<p>

Roy wasn't sure what was better. Her fingers stroking his mess of hair or the fact that she couldn't get to his head without pressing her breasts against him. He rationalized that he was indeed feeling better because his thoughts this morning had never strayed far from Riza. He didn't know how he couldn't feel better with her fingers massaging his scalp and her hands kneading the shampoo into a lather on his head.

Hayate wagged his tail as he watched his master groom her mate. He liked Roy and his apartment had unique smells that he didn't have at home. From the moldy books to the interesting collection of other ladies clothes in his bedroom, Roy's apartment would definitely make for a nice home. The neighbor lady was already baking him dog biscuits and the park was just two blocks down. Overall, he could get used to this. He wondered why humans didn't just greet each other by sniffing butts and then move on to the humping. Why did they complicate everything?

Riza poured another pitcher of water over his head while running her fingers through his dark hair. She was careful to cup her hand over his ear so she didn't accidentally start an ear infection and then set the container aside to squirt conditioner on her hands.

The squirt sound made him focus on what was coming next. As he felt her hands return to his head he chided himself. _It's conditioner, you pervert! _Unfortunately it meant this was drawing to a close and she'd soon be on to dressing his wound and probably wondering what the hell she was sticking around for. Dreading the end to this heavenly experience only made it end faster. Soon the warm water was pouring over his head and her fingers slipped through his silky hair to rid it of all remain hair care products. Then a towel was draped over his shoulder and he reluctantly stood up. "Thank you."

She gave him a smile and held her breath as he stood there staring at her. His eyes lingered on her too long and he had yet to dry off his hair with the towel. Drops of water streaked down his face, dripped off his ears and rained from from his ebony hair into the towel below. She fidgeted and instead of giving into the gravitational pull and moving closer she turned away and said, "I'll get the bandages ready."

Roy closed his eyes as the water streaked down his face. _Always useless when wet, Roy. God dammit. _So he rubbed his hair with the towel and opened his eyes again. This time he was looking at Hayate staring at him, like the dog was ashamed that he couldn't just talk to her. So he looked over as she cut some fresh tape and stuck it on the coffee table and realized that this had gone on long enough. That there was no denying that he felt like she belonged here. But exactly what was he offering? A suicidal idiot who couldn't even stay in the hospital for a day? A man so dominated by his guilt that he didn't consider she was experiencing the same thing? He looked back at the dog who was still staring at him, waiting for him to make a move.

"Roy?" Riza looked over at him as he stared down at her dog. "Hayate bothering you?"

"No..." He looked up at her and glanced over the counter where he had breakfast this morning. She served him breakfast in his own home because he was busy being an injured idiot masturbating in the bathroom. _Fucking hell Roy, the very least she deserves to know is the truth._ "Something else is bothering me. I realized something down in those tunnels and I have been too much of a coward to tell you."

She froze. _That_ sounded bad. Did he finally realize that she was a liability? Was he planning on releasing her from her promise and transferring her? Did she really fail him?

"Riza, I.." He threw the towel onto the counter and walked over as she looked up at him from the couch, afraid to hear what he was going to say. Was he finally going to breach the line they dare not cross and find out she couldn't keep going beside him? "Riza, I love you. I always have and the fact that I almost died without telling you that has been eating me alive."

She stared at him and slowly put the scissors down on the table.

"I wanted to make up for everything I put you through, everything. From enlisting without telling you where I was going when we were kids to the damned alchemy and everything involved in it. You keep paying for my stupid decisions, everyone does. I should be the one in the ground or in the wheelchair, but instead here I am with you trying to stop me from punishing myself with the pain of this self-inflicted wound. You deserve better and I am not even worthy of this dedication more or less your life. However none of that stops me from loving you and wanting to make something of it. You won't let me sacrifice myself, so let me at least treat you like my queen if you insist on play the part."

She stood up and walked over to him wondering if when her lips touched his if she'd find out he was feverish and delusional. She knew better, knew he was back to himself even if he was still weak and in pain. She swallowed hard and stepped closer, scared to reach out and touch his cheek and have him vanish. Her hand met his wet cheek and a drop of water rolled off his hair and hit her hand. She didn't know what to say, so she moved closer and kissed him.

He was careful to not pull her closer to him knowing that he had a disgusting wound on his side. It was about the last thought he had as he lost himself in the first kiss they had exchanged since their youth. The trepidation gave way to tenderness almost immediately and he felt innocent again as their lips ignited sparks all over his body. His heart sped up, his nerves in his fingertips tingled as he touched her jaw and he refrained from breathing until it was absolutely necessary. The touch of her soft lips and the power of their long repressed feelings bubbling to the surface made him hold back, terrified of ruining the moment of perfection.

She took a deep breath as he pulled away and looked into her eyes. "I love you too Roy, but I've always been so scared of you leaving me again to tell you."

His breath hitched as he remembered the times when he couldn't look her in the eye, when he had turned his back and left. He thought it would be easier that way, or perhaps he was just in denial of his own feelings. He wanted to protect her and in doing so hurt her more. "I never thought myself worthy of you, I still don't. I just wanted to become a better man and instead I just kept compounding my mistakes..."

"Stop it." She said boldly. "Don't you go back on what you just said because of your conscience. We have made our mistakes and we must live with them, so why don't we start living instead of making another mistake?"

His lips met hers again and this time with more ferocity because there was nothing more perfect than Riza Hawkeye. Her perfect lips and the perfect words they spoke. Then he pushed against her, making sure to pull her away from his injured side and it allowed him to kiss other parts he adored about her.

"It's not about sacrificing my life for you, it's about my soul not belonging in a world without you. If you died...I'd be a hollow shell walking this Earth. A lost soul without a cause, without hope and without you."

He kissed her neck and rested his head against it as her words settled a ever brewing storm within him. A guilt conscience that would never let him rest, a creeping darkness that reminded him at every juncture what he had done. Guilt for damned near everything in his life and he blamed himself for anything he could. His own internal pyre of self-loathing, fed by his feelings of ineptitude, self-destructive behaviors and survivor's guilt. He didn't feel that he was worthy of love, hating what he was at the very core of his being. The drinking, the anonymous sex, the loss of his best friend, the loss of Havoc's legs the horror of Riza's tattoo...all of it kept the fire stoked. "I lashed out at you, to scare you off. The way you looked at me down in those tunnels. Those tears, your surrender...as much as it meant to me I didn't deserve it. It scared the shit out of me. So I tried to make you hate me as much as I hate myself. Even now I am cursing myself for breaking down and being selfish."

She wrapped her arms around him. "You're not the only one Roy. I just hide behind my work, my stoicism, my loneliness to punish myself. For not being strong enough to say no to my father, for sharing that secret with you and watching you deteriorate in Ishval from it. I embrace the loneliness because I'm not a good person. I'm a murderer and I can't even protect the one man I swore to protect."

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "You should have told me."

She pushed his wet bangs from his face and caressed his face. "Why? So you could be weighed down with more guilt?"

"Yes." He said and leaned into her hand. It felt right and encouraged him to keep pushing for more. "So, how about I get dressed and we talk about where we go from here?"

She released him and shook her head. "I wish 'go back the hospital' was an option, but I suppose I just have to dress your wound."

"Leave you for Armstrong's sister? Never." He snorted then watched her eyes drift to his burn.

Her eyes shot up to that playful smirk of his. "Just stand still and help me tape this bandage to you."

He did as told and in less than a minute he was taped back up and he bent down to kiss her. "Thank you."

She blushed and cleared her throat. "I thought we were going to discuss this?"

"I kissed you. You liked it and so did I. I think we can safely escalate things." He watched her face betray her annoyance. "Oh, you mean the whole fraternization thing? Where you're dating your boss?"

She suddenly felt overwhelmed. There were so many things that could go wrong and this could be the end of everything they worked towards.

"Too bad. You need to hear that I love you and I'm not stopping."

"Did I ever tell you how much this side of you annoys me?" She narrowed her eyes at him as he walked to his bed room.

"Good. Then I won't be putting you in a worse mood when I tell you I want to share my bed with you tonight and not your dog." He smiled as he said it knowing it would help defuse her tension.

"Roy!"

He looked around for a shirt and pulled another dress shirt off the hanger. He was going to have to buy new work shirts after this damned burn healed over, he was probably ruining all of them with weeping skin. "Just offering. It's not like I can do anything."

She watched him emerge from his bedroom, suddenly it seemed like he was lighter. He was _happy,_ even if he was moving like a stiff board and walking like an old man. "We can't take this lightly. "

"I'm planning to overthrow the government, Riza. I think wanting to date you is hardly the crime of the century. Besides, what exactly have we learned while doing all this undercover work if not how sneak around?"

"Not to mention half the military already thinks we're sleeping together." She added.

He walked over to her and kissed her again. "And I really want to make you happy. I never want you feel like you deserve to be alone and unloved again. You understand me? You're not allowed to give up on yourself no matter what."

"I can't jeopardize your future..."

"Our future." He said softly. "Making you happy is most definitely my future."

"Then let's start by not rushing into this?" She said and watched his enthusiasm fade. "You have at least a week of me staying here with you to help you, after that I need to go back to work. So let's take things a day at a time and see if this is a possibility...because it's something too delicate to just rush into."

"And that is what annoys me about you." He frowned. "You being right all the damned time."

* * *

><p>The week went by with many visitors, only one of which questioned Riza's presence. Madam Christmas began her visit with a simple, "Well it's about damned time" before spending most of the afternoon watching their mannerisms and commenting on their comfort. Riza knew Roy's foster mother was blunt and observant, but she wasn't quite prepared for how well she scrutinized everything. Riza managed to keep a straight face and divulge nothing, Roy however might as well have been sixteen again. She wasn't prepared for Roy to be such a Momma's boy, and it was adorable as hell.<p>

It was at that point that she knew that he had talked about her with his mother. In fact, she watched in amazement as they carried on a conversation about "Elizabeth" as if she wasn't sitting in the room pretending to read the paper. They were good, it was a well honed skill to keep a conversation going like this without slipping up and it was evident Roy learned from the best. By the time she left, Madam Christmas was smiling and giving her best wishes to "Elizabeth", and expressing her relief that her Roy-Boy finally had a quality girl he was smitten with.

That was the only hitch to their week, the rest had been spent happily enjoying each others company. Well until, Breda knocked on their door. Poor Breda who was now in charge at the office and also spending his nights with his best friend. The weary Lieutenant had stopped by with more medication and a hospital bill; a huge bill that was going to have to be paid by Roy personally if he didn't have his doctor check him out. Apparently the billing department had strict rules about filing medical insurance claims and their patients escaping before release was one of them. So now they were driving back to the hospital to visit Havoc and get Dr. Jenkins to sign Roy's release form.

"This is outrageous." Roy said indignantly. "This looks like one of Fullmetal's damage claim forms and not charges for simple medical procedures. This is unethical! Do you see how much they charge for those sedatives? That was their over reaction, not mine. They're billing me for all the supplies too, blood sucking bastards!"

She looked over at him as he flipped to another page and made an outraged gasp.

"I did not break the IV stand! If I paid for it, I should get to take it home."

She pulled up to the front entrance of the hospital and waited for him to get out. "I'll park and meet you in Havoc's room. Your appointment with Dr. Jenkins is in ten minutes, please don't be late."

He looked over at her and held up the bill. His finger tapped on the sheet, "They're charging me for my own blood."

"Roy, you want to take down the government. Start by making their pay your hospital bill."

He frowned and opened the car door. "It was my blood, it's not like I was buying someone else's. They drew it when..."

"Get out of the damned car." She snapped and he obeyed.

* * *

><p>Riza spent a good two hours with Havoc before Roy finally walked into the room looking annoyed. "Those better be discharge papers."<p>

"Yes, Lieutenant." He handed her the proof. "Everyone is impressed with your doctoring skills. Apparently you missed your calling."

"In children's medicine? Day care? Horse breaking?" Havoc asked and rolled his cigarette around between his fingers. "You are looking much better. Won't be at all offended if you try and steal my nurse from me and take her on a date. You should go celebrate your recovery."

"I'll pass." Roy said and Havoc cleared his throat, clearly not done talking.

"Look boss, I already filled out and filed all the paperwork for my retirement. Thankfully it doesn't require _your_ signature or I'd be in this hospital til I died."

Roy shook his head. "You haven't given me a chance to..."

"What? Perform a miracle?" Havoc snorted. "Shit Colonel, now I'm the useless one. We both know you don't need the distraction, so I made sure my chess piece was off the board. You don't need a damned piece you can't move, it will only limit what you can do."

"Havoc, dammit! You're not some pawn!" Roy spat.

"Dammit Mustang, I'm not any good to you!" He reached up and grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down to his face. "You idiot, you have better things to do than worry about me. I don't want your pity! I don't want you giving up any more time trying to fix me when you have more important things to do!"

Roy felt sick as Havoc's face twitched, he was about to breakdown. So he did what he needed to do to support his subordinate. "Fine."

Havoc choked back his emotions and looked up at him.

"I'll leave you behind." Roy pulled from his grasp and turned around. He grabbed a flower from a 'Get Well Soon' bouquet sent by someone from HQ. Idiots. "I'll go ahead of you...and wait for you to catch up. I'll see you at the top Lieutenant."

Havoc shook his head and looked at Hawkeye as he left. "What's wrong with that man? He's never going to make it being this soft, that idiot."

"It's why he's the idiot we follow." She took his hand and squeezed it. "It's why he's the one to change things."

"Riz, life's too short to just keep putting things off, you know?" Havoc watched her eyes widen a little. "He's already too attached to us, there's no way getting more attached is going to hurt anything."

"Jean."

"Go get him and don't regret it. You never know when something you've counted on be there for you, won't be there tomorrow." Jean released her hand and slapped his legs to prove a point. "Go get him. The guy loves you, I don't care how hard you try to not see it, he loves you. You both deserve it,no matter what you think."

"I think you're going to revise that statement when you realize he's probably out there signing you up for a sponge bath." Riza looked over her shoulder and saw Roy at the nurses station talking to Nurse Amue. He handed her a flower and gave her his best smile.

Riza gave Havoc a kiss on the forehead and went to save Roy before he angered the woman any more. Instead she was surprised when she was sparkling and aflutter. So she kept walking down the hall and figured she'd walk slow so he could catch her. She was glad Havoc was getting out of the hospital, he too deserved to be with his family instead of being treated like a patient. She knew Jean needed to see a future too, to figure out how to work around the obstacles in his path.

Roy caught up with Riza. "So, I'm released and ready for some 'light activity'."

"I hope that means doing your own damned laundry."

"I figured I'd start with making _Elizabeth_ something for dinner, maybe some nice wine I've hidden away. Light a few candles, sing the national anthem...do crossword puzzles." He continued to walk, interested if she would take this stroll in the public corridor as proof that they were capable of a secret relationship.

"Sounds like something she'd enjoy." Riza said, Havoc's words not far from her thoughts. "However I think she's more interested in hearing the 'Ballad of the Flame Alchemist' than the anthem."

"I_ knew_ she liked it." Roy said and grinned. "I figured she was just jealous I sang it to the whole bar instead of serenading her with it."

"She's a lucky woman, sir." Riza said and gave him a look to see his smile.

"No, I'm a really lucky man." He replied and kept his eyes forward.

"Then maybe you can do more than crossword puzzles since you don't mind having a woman do all your work for you." Riza said without a trace of emotion.

He bit his lip and tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

><p>AN: Done. This chapter sort of when it's own way from the start. In fact this whole story did. I'm fairly certain this was nothing like the original request.<p> 


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